I want to keep on with the topic of "Old Timers."  I have a secret affinity for this topic because I learn from those that have gone before me best.  I also learned long ago that I can learn just as much from a negative example as easy as I can from a positive example. It really came as a shock to me that not everyone that was sitting with me in the rooms was walking the path of "Happy Destiny."  That there were people sitting in recovery that were preying upon new-comers.  That there were people in recovery who are incredible predators.  It freaked me out.  
 

  I had really mixed emotions when I figured all that out.  I wanted to believe that everyone was getting the same gift I felt I was getting.  I wanted to believe that everyone was reading the books I was reading.  I honestly thought that everyone worked the steps!  I thought everyone had a "Spiritual Experience."  I thought everyone told the truth when they shared and that the promises of recovery were coming for them or had come to them.  
 

  I was woken up at a meeting one day when one of my HERO'S of recovery shared openly in a meeting.  There was a beautiful woman at her very first meeting.  It was a tag meeting and he was called on.  He introduced himself, welcomed her and than said.  "I have nothing to say to you young lady.  I'm a man and you're a beautiful young woman.  My encouragement for you is simple.  Stay away from all men for awhile.  Find a great woman sponsor, work with her and watch out because there are men here that only want certain things from you."
 

  My mouth fell open, I was stunned when he finished talking but he was right.  It was just so shocking to me that he was that honest.  I watched as some of the men in the meeting fidgeted around uncomfortably because of what he said.  But that's what happens when the truth is shared and those that don't want to hear it have to listen.
 

  Now after being honest with myself and understanding the human condition much better I know these facts.  First there should be a big sign above every meeting; just like the sign at the entrance to Yellowstone Park it says "BEWARE OF THE BEARS!" Our sign should read "BEWARE OF THE PROBLEM CHILDREN!" It's so easy to throw rocks and pick on the problem children. The real problem though is that picking on the problem always gets people away from the solution.  Problem children are easy targets.  I was a problem child in recovery for a few years before I woke up.  Thank God I did wake up and smell the dysfunction coming off of me, because I changed.
 

  There always will be "the jerks of recovery" those who blow it for one reason or another. There will always be the people, the sponsors, and the hero's of recovery, who have clay feet. There will always be human beings living on the planet no escaping that fact.  It's inevitable to have others around us, people rubbing up against us makes us who we are.  There is no getting away from that fact either.  We all need to wake up and smell the reality of this world. People are people and they can't help it. We all get to live out our life going down the path we choose.  The ultimate gift from God is our freedom to choose to live our life as we see fit, it’s the treasure of free will.  It's really hard to say who's right and who's wrong, it's so much fun to look at others and judge them, "for being so boring!"  It's really easy to throw a rock at someone and avoid looking at ourselves. It's easy to point at your warts and not look at the huge boils on your butt!
 

  Second, I blow it every day, I make mistakes almost every hour. I love God with all my heart yet I swear and take God's name in vain.  With total honesty I've broken many of the Ten Commandments.  (Oh my!)  I love recovery with all my heart, yet I judge harshly those in recovery. I'd rather judge your lack of program than work the steps in my life.  I'd rather do several thousand other things most of the time than do that which is right in front of me.  
 

  I love my wife with all my heart yet I fight with her the most of anyone on the planet. I'd rather judge her lack of skills then look at how I'm doing in my own feeble attempts at living life.  I'd rather be a jerk to her then tell her the truth.  It's easier for me to point at her negatives then to look at the things I struggle with.  I've even been dumb enough to think about tossing away my marriage over some of the dumbest things just to avoid doing the work needed to keep it on track.
 

  With grace I always remember how well walking away from a marriage has worked for those that I know.  I've learned the hardest lesson of all.  "No matter where I go, there I am."  I always show up with me.  If I bail out and leave, I don't leave anything behind, I bring it with me.  I'm here to do work and I'd best be about doing the work.  Whining like the puke I'm prone to being doesn't get the work done.  Complaining about my past problems doesn't accomplish anything.  Only working on myself can change anything. 
 

  Third I had to learn how to forgive.  In The Book of Life it asks me to forgive those that have wronged me 70X7. I try to do that with my brothers and sisters in recovery.  I try to do that in my home with those that I love the most.  I try to do that with my fellows as I move through my day.  But I still fall way short of the mark, sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail miserably. But I keep trying and because of that willingness to try I'm climbing up the hill rather than sliding down it.  Climbing is where learning happens.  Rubbing up against mistakes is where learning happens.  We need to be learning to keep growing.  
 

  The true mark of someone who's in recovery is someone who's learning.  If the person sitting next to you is sharing the same story with no change, that is more telling than someone that has a fresh experience.  
 

  Farmers have to keep their fields fresh to have a good crop.  Nothing happens in a dead field.  There is no way a crop can grow if the soil is not cared for.  Seeds have to be planted.  The weeds have to be picked.  The crop has to be looked after with care.  Just like in the field the same is true in life.  Weeds happen.  Insects happen.  Weather happens.  Nothing can stop the tide 
 

  I know there are those in recovery who don't work the steps. I know there are those in recovery who are just sucking air and doing nothing. I know there are those in recovery who claim great things but have nothing to show for it. I know there are those in recovery who are living in huge glass houses throwing monster rocks not caring who they hurt. I learn from them daily and I do my best to learn from them not emulate them.

 

 

 

 

Life 101 Archives